Why does it still hurt?

Infertility.

It still hurts sometimes. like now.

I am on my way to adopting a little girl from Taiwan (hopefully this year) and I am glad. If something were to happen (miraculous type something) and I were to get pregnant, I would still work towards our adoption. I love this little girl who may not have even been born. I really do.

But every single time I hear that someone else is pregnant or has just given birth or has just found out they are having a girl or celebrates their baby boy’s first birthday, it feels like a dagger to my heart.

Every single time I hold someone’s son or daughter, I smell their hair and feel their soft skin and my heart breaks into a million pieces because of what I am missing.

If I know you and you are pregnant or have children, don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s me.

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This entry was posted in Adoption, Bringing Annie Home, Infertility, Taiwan. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Why does it still hurt?

  1. Healy Family says:

    >Dear Tara,Fourteen years ago I was going around having one fertility test after another done. No baby, but no problem defined either. Like you have experienced, EVERYONE at that time was pregnant. Everywhere I went pregnant women were already there or showed up after I got there. It.was.awful. Simultaneous to our adoption, my 15 year old cousin announced that she was going to have a baby too. One day though I felt like the Lord was whispering in my ear, "do you want a baby or do you want to be pregnant?" I really wanted a baby. I really wanted to be a mother. And the Lord provided, (and has since provided 4 more children). All I know, looking back, was that I could not have gone and gotten Matthew if I had been pregnant or had a toddler at home. I honestly think that the Lord intervened and prevented a pregnancy so I could go and spend 5 months in Taiwan adopting our son.I do not know what your situation is Tara, but He does. Trust Him. Trust Him when it hurts. Trust Him when it doesn't make sense. Trust Him when everyone around you is pregnant (including your unwed, 15 year old high school cousin). Trust Him. He has a plan for you that is way bigger than you. He has a plan for some sweet child who needs a home and the opportunity to know Him as Savior. Your situation is not an accident – Trust Him and His plan for you ~ He loves you!

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