They’re all mine.

I have a story to tell you.

Once upon a time there was a boy and girl who loved each other very much. They got married and settled into life together but knew that they wanted to start immediately building their family. They figured that even though they wanted a family really quickly, they had plenty of time. No rush.

They moved out of their tiny apartment into a slightly larger, albeit still tiny house and decided enough was enough, these wooden floors would be perfect to echo the sound of tiny feet. So they began really praying and trying to have a baby.

After many pokes, prods, medicine and tests the doctors were stumped. There was no way this little family was growing. No way.

They got a puppy.

He was wonderful but life was still empty without children in the house. They opened their home to people in need.  A friend who was in the process of moving but need somewhere to rest his head a couple night a week. Two brothers who were taking night classes and needed to stay for just one night a week. College students needing a place to stay for a few months.

The house filled up but it still felt like something was missing.

One college  student who stayed with them talked about all of the babies needing homes in the country she had just spent a semester. Could this be the answer? The couple sent an email and were asked to send an application in to Taiwan. They waited and waited to hear something but they heard nothing. Not even a whisper.

Time went by. They finally got an email from Taiwan telling them that sorry, the couple was too young. It would be many years until a baby could ever come to them from Taiwan. “Try adopting where you live.”

So they did what they had done before, they prepared to open their doors to children in need. Foster care.

They finished the classes and prepared to do their home study when they got a mysterious email from Taiwan. “Have you finished your international home study? You are rapidly approaching the top of our list. We need you to be ready.”


It had not been years…it had hardly been one year since hearing that their baby from Taiwan was a distant dream. But regardless, they began to prepare.

With a home study done they began to wait.

Shortly after the first of the year the wife noticed something was different. She felt strange. She didn’t know why, but she did. After a while she took a test and it said, “Positive.”

The best word she had ever heard. That’s right, she was pregnant.

But, the next day the bleeding started. The next day she took another test. This one said, “Negative.”

The baby was gone. So quickly and without physical pain. The baby was gone.

The couple grieved. Not knowing how to tell people about their baby. “Hey everyone, we were pregnant.”

That sounded awful. So, they just didn’t tell anyone, not even family.

A couple months later they found out some great news, wonderful news. There was a woman in the church whose daughter had just given birth to a healthy baby boy. A beautiful baby boy. That she wasn’t planning on keeping. When he was just a couple days old they held him for the first time. And fell in love.

His mother couldn’t care for him so he was living with his grandmother. She needed help so the couple volunteered and everyone hoped the mother would let them be his parents. They lived with the grandmother and cared for the baby. The couple gave him a special name, David, and he even went to live with the couple for a short time.

Then the mother took him back. Parented him.

The couple was devastated. After months of caring for him, he was gone as quickly as he had come. Why?

Within days of him leaving their care a call came in from an unknown number. An email from a far away country. “Call us ASAP.”

So they did. It was a baby girl. Three months old. All the way in Taiwan, needing a home. Their home. Born right around the time they lost their first baby.

They named her Annie.

This is the story of our babies. Our little one that we lost so early. Our David that we held and kissed and watched grow. And our Annie who we don’t know if we will ever hold. This is a necklace that we had made to honor and remember our babies. Isn’t it beautiful?

I got is from a wonderful lady named Amanda. You can find her here. Our necklace is a spin off of her “Leave you print” necklace.

Do you have a story of great loss? How do you honor those memories?

Amanda, thank you for giving me such a special way to remember my babies.

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11 Responses to They’re all mine.

  1. Donna Jones says:

    That is so amazing and God will give a baby to you and Matt soon.

  2. amber says:

    Girl, you really are a kindred spirit 🙂 I read your story and wondered at first if I’d posted this and forgotten! And they are all yours! As my sweet husband said after we “lost” the twins, “Just think in heaven we are gonna have like 20 kids!” But after 5 miscarriages and 2 failed adoptions I can tell you the best thing anyone ever said to me was just recently…GOD IS SOVEREIGN! When it hurts so bad you don’t know what to pray, just say it, “You are sovereign!” Praying for ya’ll!

  3. Danielle :) says:

    One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp….get it!
    LOVE that you put it all in words. LOVE the title. YES they are. And we are God’s. He gives and He takes away, but they are HIS too! We are only the managers of His blessings. Still praying for good news for you two. You are such a blessing!

  4. MamaLisa says:

    God is shaping your hearts for a special blessing in His timing. The waiting part is so very hard. Cling to God when time feels like eternity and trust His heart. He loves us more than His very life and wants the best for us. Love your necklace. What a wonderful way to honor your babies!
    Hugs and prayers…. Mama Lisa

  5. Tara, you’ve been on my mind and heart a lot lately. I read this post and had tears in my eyes! I didn’t know about your miscarriage or David. God has a way of surprising us when we think all hope is lost, and fulfilling our dreams in ways we never thought possible. I keep praying that you two will become parents soon. I’m gonna keep praying!

  6. Jamie says:

    Beautiful Tara! I’m stopping by again from SITs. Adoption is so beautiful and it has some really difficult, sad, and even ugly sides. God has such a plan with adoption and with you. I can’t wait to follow your story and see what it is!

  7. Caitlin says:

    I think about y’all and pray for you a lot. I’m so sorry for all your loss. I know it doesn’t make the pain go away, but I know that God is preparing you for something that you can’t see now and many people will be blessed through your love. I don’t know if I ever told you but my husband, Clark, was adopted. My in-laws have a story very similar to yours. I’m so grateful that they never gave up even though it hurt. I know it hurts. God doesn’t waste anything. And you’re absolutely right, they are all yours. You’re in my prayers.

  8. janie says:

    God IS sovereign! My hubby and I got married about 5 years ago, just a few months after we were hit by a little old lady on our way home from church. 100+ physical therapy visits and 2 hip surgeries later left us delaying out plans to have a baby. Then I came down with a mysterious neurological problem that required a trip to Mayo in early 2009. After 2 weeks at Mayo, we were medically cleared to start our family, even though I was still struggling with my health. Then months went by, trips to fertility doctors and lots of tests with no good news. In late 2009, we started trying to adopt but the agencies had too many concerns about my health. So in early 2010 we became foster parents to a little 16 m/o who most likely would need to be adopted. We also cared for 2 other precious babies during that time. In February of this year, we found out that our foster daughter had a great aunt in another state who wanted to adopt her. Oregon mandates that biological relatives are favored during the adoption process, no matter how long the foster child is in a foster home. So on July 8th, we sent off our precious foster daughter to her new home. We also renewed our efforts to adopt privately and guess what…..? Now that I had parented successfully for over a year, these agencies were willing to work with us! Our home study was approved last month and we just found out yesterday that The Home of God’s Love has put us on their waiting list for a baby!!!

    God does work out all things for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. Our hope is in Him no matter what our future holds!

  9. Pingback: Thoughts on Mother’s Day 2013 | Overwhelmed by Joy

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