Those words pretty much sum up how we are feeling right now. Prayerful and hopeful.
Our paperwork is back in Taiwan and our court date has been filed for, we are just waiting to hear when it is scheduled for. All of this feels very familiar. We have been here before. Overjoyed with the knowledge that we have a daughter waiting for us. Knowing that THIS time we will be getting off an airplane eventually with a daughter wrapped in our arms.
But behind all this hope is barely concealed dread. What if we get an email like we did last time saying that our baby girl’s mommy has died and there will be no court date? What if we wait for months with no answers only to find out that we have to say good bye to yet another baby. Can my heart handle that?
Every time I feel myself slipping into that place where my throat closes tight and my stomach flips, I turn and cling to the one who is in control. The only one who can handle my fear, my worry, my unbelief. The one who holds my future and the future of my baby girl in his capable hands. The only one I trust to hold and care for my Little One until one day when I can go and meet them both.
It isn’t always easy. I am not always strong. There are times when the only thing keeping me hopeful is walking to my husband and simply saying, “pray.” He calls for the God of ALL comfort to meet us. To lead us. To hold us.
And He does. Praise be to God.