Sometimes I wonder…

As I think about her first birthday, which is rapidly approaching much to this momma’s dismay, I start to wonder about her Birth Day.

What was it like? Was there anyone with her other than her birth mother and the hospital staff to celebrate her arrival into the world? Did her birth mother take photos of her to hold onto after Mary Alice wasn’t with her anymore? Did anyone have tears of joy run down their faces at the sight of her perfect little face? We weren’t there. I don’t know.

I know there was pain. I know there was loss. I also know that there was life. My daughter’s life started on January 28th, 2012.

She did not go from the hospital to THOGL until she was 2 weeks old. She spent the first 2 weeks of her life in a hospital with no visitors that we know of. Just the nurses who cared for her.

I think about my precious niece, Madison, and all of the celebrating that was done around her birth. We rushed en masse to the hospital to just catch a glimpse of her sweet new baby face. She was in the NICU for little while so we didn’t get to celebrate quite like we would have liked to, but boy did we want to! It breaks my heart that I didn’t get to do the same for my daughter.

Sometimes I think that is one of the harder things for me to come to grips with. I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there for the first breath, the first bath, her first feeding, her first gassy grins. What was it like? Was her birth mother there for it all? Did she keep her in her room while she was recovering, taking in those few precious hours that they would have together outside her womb? Did she hold her close and tell her how much she loved her? I hope so. I truly do.

Sometimes I wonder about her Birth Day.

Mary Alice at two weeks old when she was released from the hospital.

Linking up at:

The Life Of Faith

Covered in Grace

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3 Responses to Sometimes I wonder…

  1. mrsvolnoff says:

    I often thing about this. I truly do! I wonder these same things. As I think back to the newborn days and what they were like for us, I wonder what person was there for her. I became really sad & angry almost that God would allow my little newborn niece to potentially be alone when she was used to a warm and cozy womb. I was praying for peace about it on the way home one day – it truly crushed my heart- and God kinda revealed to me that he was watching over her. He was taking care of her and loving on her. I know that God looked after my Madison, too, but not like MA. How cool is it that she got the experience with God (and maybe angels?) who comforted her before she came home to her forever mommy and daddy. And I’m just the aunt?!? I can only imagine how it must plague your heart some days.

  2. Gail says:

    I know this is difficult, but perhaps it would help if you pictured Jesus there, watching, anticipating, knowing each of her days before she began them. He was there : )
    Gail (Bible Love Notes)

  3. Sarah B says:

    I can’t even imagine how difficult that is for you to wonder about. But she seems like she has been so loved this past year being with you! Thanks for linking up with us for Mommy Moments!

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